So the
other day I was cruising around on my scout, minding everybody’s business and
peeking under all ships‘ skirts when I noticed a Hulk popping up on Dscan in
Amygnon (where I spent most of my carebear and ninjalooting days and which I
still somewhat consider home turf). Being
a ganker and therefore having this weird obsession with Hulks that we all
share, I immediately located the ship, warped to 30 and conducted a routine
check on the target. The first thing I noticed was the fact that there was no
mining permit displayed in the pilot’s bio, so we all know what had to happen
next. Not wanting to take any chances, I decided to inspect the Hulk’s fitting,
because it’s always good to know what one is up against.
When the
scan window popped open, I was shocked. And a little worried. But mostly
shocked. Heart racing, I immediately fired up EFT (because I actually have no
clue what I am doing and will remain a newb for all eternity) and did some
calculations that would have made my high school math teacher proud. My
investigation on the EHP of this particular Hulk revealed that I should be able
to take it out in a T2 Cat. Probably. Maybe.
Well, let’s just say that the numbers were a bit sketchy, but I figured
that this is one of those times were you just need to take a chance and hope
for the best (or worst, depending on your perspective). Besides, I really
wanted to see that Hulk blow up.
So I went
ahead and moved Keera into system, threw together a Cat and almost saw the whole
operation fail because some guy called me out in local and squabbled something
about not liking people with a -10 sec status (really now, how can you not like
a person that is sacrificing his sec status to provide great content for the
community?). The Hulk pilot, showing some awareness and not being a complete
buffoon, realized the danger his precious toy was in and docked up a few
moments later.
Knowing the
mindset of most miners (and especially of those who fly around in Hulks) I
decided to lay low for a while and wait for my prey, docking my scout in the
station where the target was probably shivering with fear in some corner of his
hangar. You see, people who use Hulks have made the decision to sacrifice
everything (well, tank and cargo at least) for those few more percentages of
yield. They see things in terms of ISK and want to maximize their efficiency.
Spending their time cowering in a station is not very efficient, so it only
took about 10 minutes for the miner to decide that a known ganker being in
system would not hinder him from chewing on roids with maximum efficiency.
I gave him
a few minutes to get settled in the belt and make him feel all safe and cozy,
before I had a quick peek at him with my scout (he was nice enough to return to
the exact same location) and set things in motion. I undocked with Keera,
managed to get a sweet warp-in within optimal range, said a quick prayer to
James 315, overheated, scrammed and began to throw copious amounts of Void S in
his general direction.
It was a close
call, but I managed to pop the Hulk a few moments before Concord appeared and
ruined the party as they always do, saving the pilot’s pod in the progress. Not
that I cared much about that, because behold that killmail in all its glory:
 |
| Look at that! I mean LOOK. AT. EEEET.! |
That may
very well be the most decadent and ill-conceived attempt to tank a Hulk in all
of Highsec. It’s literally a Hulk at the price of an Orca. I may or may not
have changed my underpants after this particular example of high-stakes elite
pvp.
Allow me to
take you along for a trip into what I firmly believe were the thoughts of the
pilot when he put together this fit:
“So I got
this virtually untankable max-yield behemoth right here, that is basically like
a beacon for gankers. You know what I’ll do to scare them off and save my scrawny
hide should they dare attack me? I will put a few hundred millions worth of
deadspace modules on my Hulk, that’ll show ‘em!”
You may
think that the lootfairy was unkind to me because the 300mil mod did not drop,
but that is actually a good thing. You see, there was a MTU placed right next
to the Hulk and my looter did not arrive in time (because derp) to stop it from
sucking up all the valuables. Since I had no way of breaking that thing in time,
I actually thanked the gods of RNG for destroying the most blingy things.
The pilot
played it cool, acting like he was not fazed at all by his loss of almost a
billion ISK. I like to think that he had quite a bit of a cry.
Things we
learned today:
- Before putting the blingiest of tank on your Hulk, consider putting your money in a Permit or a Skiff, preferably both.
- Don’t take your Hulk for a walk when a ganker is in system and has been pointed out in local.
- Have your looter ready and at location if there is a MTU nearby
- Take a chance here and there, it either gets you an awesome killmail or a great story, sometimes even both.
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